Authenticity or Over Time - you pick.

My thought for today was that much of my stress has come from trying to limit my truth.  I saw things I knew were not right.  Because of my job and trying to be effective, and "get along" I didn't challenge lies in and poor polices and processes in the work place. I had many rationalizations why I felt it was appropriate to be a silent witness, and hence part of the problem. What I know now is that by doing this I moved into "victim thinking" and slowly my personal power, not being used, took its toll on my body creating anxiety and pain.  As soon as I started telling the truth - such as, "That is nuts wearing guns all day to the office (I am a parole officer)  then suddenly I began to heal again."  Saying,  "It is more likely that that an offender is going to end up using a gun on the parole officers when they are distracted, than it is that the gun is going to save a life."    Then I began speaking from a position of strength.  I realized that by taking a job with many of activities that had nothing to do with what I trurely valued, that I in essence began to perfrom at two jobs. One that I believed in, and one that I was paid to do.  The end result was that I became exhausted as there was not enough time to do two jobs in one day.

Think of it as a factory.  I am paid to make widgets, 100 per day. Except that I begin to notice that workers are getting their arms loped off in the machinery and no one is doing anything.  So during the day I become very involved in researching, talking with the press, with the manager, the workers, Labor and Industries, driven by the desire to save the arms of the employees. Sounds worthy and good, right? However, I still have to make the 100 widgets. So what do I do? I work through my lunches, I work twice as fast, I work on the weekends, I hardly even breath trying to get caught up on my widget quota. End result - my life gets out of balance, my health deteriorates, and I become ineffective at both "jobs" , or just burn out.  So I have my ideas about what should be done here.  What do you think?